


Habit

by leftoveramericano



Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Non-idol!Jonghyun, Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, kinda minhyun-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 07:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12227934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftoveramericano/pseuds/leftoveramericano
Summary: Minhyun wants to believe that he deserves Jonghyun (again)





	Habit

**Author's Note:**

> This is solely based on the very heartbreaking 2hyun dream I had, totally a cue for me not to listen to "habit" by svt right before sleeping (anyway, go listen to it)

Minhyun is still silently sitting on the café table, without even sipping his now-cold hot chocolate. He lifts up his left wrist and shoves away the fabric of his brown coat to see what time is it now.

_"Ah, I am really one hour earlier."_

He sighs a bit as he tucks his left hand back to the pocket. He shoots a look at the piano placed on the corner of the café, just across his table. He remembers how before, he and Jonghyun used to come to this café a lot of times before. He would help Jonghyun with his assignments and Jonghyun would always accompany him after Minhyun had his endless and tiresome practices during his trainee days. Sometimes, it was just their pure date when they just simply wanted to meet each other. They would go on telling every random thing to each other, like how Minhyun drunk five glasses of milk in the morning since he'd got no toast yet he needed a lot of energy, or how Jonghyun playfully covered his cat's entire body in tissues just because he wanted to prove that mummy costume looked great on cats as well. To many people, their choice of topics were peculiar and even absurd that some even shot them some kind of weirded out face.

Then in the middle of having endless conversation whilst being, of course, lovey-dovey together, Jonghyun would sometimes ask Minhyun to play the piano that the café has. Whenever Minhyun refused to do so, Jonghyun would start to cutely nag at him that it left Minhyun no choice. Jonghyun would _always_ sit beside Minhyun whenever the younger played the piano, and even unconsciously rested his head on him. Minhyun would smile earnestly and he would as well softly mumbled 'I love you' to Jonghyun, and Jonghyun would shoot back the smile as he started to linger his arms around Minhyun's waist and replied 'I love you, too'

Everything was perfect. Minhyun and Jonghyun were inseparable. They had been through so many good and bad things during the years of their relationship. They thought they would always be able to overcome all the obstacles since they had each other, they believed that no matter what might happen in the future, they would always manage to keep their faith unshaken towards each other.

One big day finally came. Minhyun had officially ended his trainee days in much grace when it was announced that he'd get to debut with the other ten trainees from his agency in a form of idol group. The first person that Minhyun informed was Jonghyun and honestly the other sounded and seemed to be much happier and more excited than Minhyun was. When his last practice as a trainee ended, Minhyun rushed out of the building quickly and he was surprised to find Jonghyun was already there waiting for him. Minhyun didn't even get to say a word, but Jonghyun had already strangled his whole body in a tight embrace that Minhyun appreciated more than anything at that time. His heart swelled a bit when he realised how his right shoulder was starting to feel damped because of Jonghyun's happy tears.

"Minhyunnie, I told you that you'd make it. See? I told you, I believed in you, I had faith in you; we all did" Jonghyun was pretty much talking gibberish, but it touched Minhyun how his boyfriend was so supportive and appreciative of him this whole time. Minhyun couldn't help but to wrap his arms around Jonghyun's slender body and started to inhale the intoxicatingly warm scent from the boy whom he loved so much.

"Thank you, Jjun-ah. Thank you, thank you." Minhyun kissed the side of Jonghyun's face, before cupping the other face that made their eyes met. Minhyun couldn't help but to chuckle at how Jonghyun's tears were shimmering through his beautiful galaxy-like eyes. Jonghyun closed his eyes as he was expecting something that Minhyun had actually had in mind, so he just smiled and closed his eyes then closing the gap between the both of them with a kiss in the lips.

It was tender, soft, and chaste.

And to Minhyun it tasted like safety and home.

 

However, things don't work out that way. After all, this is not a fairytale.

 

During Minhyun's early debut days, he admitted that it was hard for his group to gain the recognition that he thought could've been easily gotten once he made it. It was mentally draining to him and the other ten as well, especially knowing Minhyun took part in writing and composing the songs.

Whenever he felt lost or on the edge of breaking down, Jonghyun would always be there to offer him the shelter that he could never find in anyone else. Good thing about his early debut days was the fact that Minhyun could still easily sneak out to see and visit Jonghyun, or even better to go out on a date, though it wasn't as frequent as it was before. Minhyun was also grateful of his bandmates since they had no problem of Minhyun dating a guy. If anything they were thankful to Jonghyun for always managing to make Minhyun feel a lot better.

At last, all the hard work that Minhyun and his bandmates did was being paid off by the sudden and big recognition that they received. Their songs were charting here and there, they got so many commercials offers, they were invited to various kinds of famous award events, and they finally could hold several concerts domestically and in overseas.

Of course the first person that Minhyun contacted when all of this happened was none other than his boyfriend, Jonghyun. He sniffed and cried over the phone to Jonghyun while unstoppably muttering his most sincere thank you to the other.

Jonghyun told him over the phone that day, that from then on, he would be okay; both of them would be _okay_. If only Jonghyun knew how much those words brought so much strength to Minhyun at that time, to not give and to move forward.

When Minhyun's popularity had grown so big, he finally had enough money to buy an apartment of his own in the capital city. He knew that he lived in the dorm with his fellow bandmates, but sometimes he just needed some time on his own and change of scenery that he thought maybe buying his own place wouldn't hurt.

However, that wasn't his main reason. Minhyun's biggest agenda was, of course, to ask Jonghyun to move out to his place and live together there, and honestly who is Jonghyun to turn down the offer? If anything, Jonghyun immediately said 'yes' without even thinking twice, and even went forth as to kiss Minhyun tenderly in the lips as a way of saying and promising forever.

Everything went on smoothly. It's true that Minhyun couldn't stay in his own place all the time, sometimes he had to go back to his dorm to film a reality show with his bandmates or if there were any briefings from their manager that needed to be announced directly. Minhyun would say sorry to Jonghyun for every time he couldn't stay with the other for days. Jonghyun would smile and gesture Minhyun to come closer to him by playing with his pointy finger. When Minhyun had closed the gap between them, Jonghyun would lean in and tiptoe to kiss the other. He would then hold both of Minhyun's shoulders and tell him that what's important for Minhyun to make sure that he'd come back to his home. Minhyun shook his head as he brushed strands of hair covering half of Jonghyun's face as he corrected the other;

 _"Our_ _home."_

Minhyun and Jonghyun believed that there wouldn't be any difficulties that they couldn't overcome, since they had each other.

That was until fame started to consume Minhyun little by little. He became really busy and sensitive due to the stress that he had to face. Jonghyun was also, at the time, busy completing his final thesis. There was a period of time where Minhyun and Jonghyun wouldn't meet each other for the solid two months. Jonghyun couldn't even contact Minhyun since he had his phone confiscated by his agency as it was the new policy for him and all of his other bandmates as well.

Jonghyun would cry every time he missed Minhyun way too much that whenever he saw Minhyun on the television, he would reach out for his hand and started caressing the screen in front of him, wishing it would be real.

When Minhyun had days off, that was the happiest time for Jonghyun. He knew that he still couldn't take Minhyun outside since he wanted the other to be fully rested. However, it turned out to be difficult and complicated.

Every time Jonghyun asked for a cuddle, Minhyun would refuse to do so and tell him that he was really tired that he just wanted to sleep right away. Jonghyun felt his heart ached a bit, but he'd still be understanding of the other.

Every time Jonghyun playfully pulled a prank on Minhyun so that the other could feel less-tensed, Minhyun would groan and tell Jonghyun to knock it off since he wasn't in the mood of it. Jonghyun would say sorry and promise the other that it wouldn't happen again.

Every time Jonghyun asked Minhyun for a kiss, MInhyun would just give him an idle peck and that was it. Jonghyun wanted to protest, but he couldn't. Not because he felt bad for Minhyun since the other must have felt restless, but because Jonghyun wasn't sure if it was Minhyun that lived with him.

Their relationship had gotten so much worse that there was a period of time where both of them wouldn't talk at all despite of being there. Minhyun would lock himself in the room with tons of music sheets and he could go on like that for the entire day, completely neglecting Jonghyun.

But Jonghyun still held on, he still even cheered on Minhyun and tried to be understanding of him. However, Jonghyun had reached his peak when Minhyun caught one of his college friends taking Jonghyun back to home and accused him of cheating. When Minhyun asked Jonghyun who that was, Jonghyun was looking so happy. Minhyun thought it was because Jonghyun was so fond of the other guy that he couldn't help but to show his excitement to even Minhyun...well, he was wrong. Jonghyun looked delighted because after so, so many times wasted on them not talking to each other, Minhyun finally asked Jonghyun of something that was involved of him.

However, Minhyun took it in other way. He started to yell at Jonghyun and say some unpleasant things about him and his friend. Jonghyun was, of course, not having none of it so he started to defend himself by stating the facts that they are just friends and it was late so he offered Jonghyun a ride to go back, but still, it couldn't convince Minhyun. Jonghyun swore that he was on the verge of crying and breaking down when he saw Minhyun took his leather jacket from the couch and leaping out of the place, leaving Jonghyun alone again. It was painful, yes, but the most painful part was when Minhyun muttered a sentence that Jonghyun thought would've never been said by the other as Minhyun made his way out;

_"So this is how you are going to dump me, nice play, Kim Jonghyun."_

Jonghyun fell down on his knees and he just cried endlessly.

That was how their relationship ended. Three days later after that incident, Minhyun finally went back to his place after listening to his leader's advice. Once his mind was clear enough to process everything, Minhyun realised that it was his mistake and him being an absolute asshole for accusing Jonghyun something like cheating. Jonghyun, who had been standing by his side for so many years that Minhyun sometimes lost count.

But, poor him, he was already too late when he realised that he was coming back to a completely dusty and empty apartment. Minhyun started to feel panic and search the entire rooms that there are while calling out for Jonghyun's name. He stopped when he noticed a light blue sticky note attached on the refrigerator. Minhyun approached the note and took it off from the refrigerator and he started to tremble when he read the words written on it. Later on, Minhyun felt like his entire energy had been sucked that he couldn't sustain his own weight any more, so he just fell down on his knees with eyes staring into the nothingness.

 _  
_ _"Minhyun-ah, by the time you are reading this, I would've already left._  
_Let's just end it here, Minhyun-ah. Thank you for everything and I'm sorry for all the things I had done wrong.  
_ _Please don't look for me or try to contact me, at least until I do._

- _Kim Jonghyun"_

 

And with just that, Minhyun found himself crumbling apart with no fixed directions, without anyone who could be there to support and encourage him the most when he hit the low.

And with just that, Minhyun found himself sitting at the café that he and Jonghyun used to visit all the way back before. Minhyun still remembers how he found it hard to believe that yesterday Jonghyun finally contacted him through text messages after exactly one and a half year since their break up. Jonghyun asked him to meet up right at this place today and Minhyun of course, couldn't refuse that. If anything, every day, ever since the break up, Minhyun relentlessly prayed to meet Jonghyun even just for once and finally the day has come.

Minhyun is still pretty much lost in thoughts, eyes focusing into the passing people that can be seen through the big window just beside his table. He didn't even bother how some of the customers in the café actually recognise him, the big and popular idol that he is.

"Minhyun?"

 _That voice_ , the voice that Minhyun missed so much that he could feel his tears started building up just from hearing it. Minhyun takes one last deep breath before turning around, and when he finally does, time suddenly stops.

There, standing in front of him, is Kim Jonghyun smiling warmly at him. Minhyun knows that he has his mouth gaped, but he can't help it, not when all of this seems like a dream to him. Oh, if this was indeed a dream then Minhyun wanted to be trapped inside of it forever.

"Jonghyun-ah..." Minhyun said, still unable to even stand up to properly greet the other man.

"It's been a while, Minhyun-ah." Jonghyun softly smiles, still standing. They are quiet for a brief moment before Minhyun finally speaking up and telling Jonghyun to take a seat and to order anything he wants since it will be Minhyun's treat. Basically Minhyun is pretty much talking gibberish at the moment, and honestly Jonghyun can understand, but no, that's not the reason as to why Jonghyun comes to meet up with him.

"I won't be long, Minhyun-ah. I just want to return...this." Jonghyun takes out a key from his pants pocket and Minhyun immediately recognises that it is the duplicate key to his apartment. Just when Minhyun wants to protest as to tell Jonghyun to keep it, the other slowly shakes his head with eyes still focusing on Minhyun's. "I can't. That is your place and I don't have any reasons to keep this with me for any longer, so please take it." Minhyun refuses to move his hand and to take the key from Jonghyun's palm, so Jonghyun takes the initiative to put it on top of the table.

Minhyun thinks to himself that he cannot let this pass like this, that this could be his final last chance to actually be at least this close to Jonghyun again. That's why without hesitation, Minhyun decided to ask the other a question that has been lingering inside of his mind for all the time they were separated.

"Jonghyun-ah is it impossible? To reconcile everything about us? To get back together as _us_?"

Silence poured over them. Jonghyun seems to be taken aback upon hearing the thing that Minhyun just bluntly told him. After a while, Jonghyun shoots him an apologetic smile as he bows down a bit to Minhyun.

"I am sorry, Minhyun-ah, but I am happy now. I am already happy with someone else. I hope you can understand that."

And with just that one simple answer, Minhyun feels like his world is, once again, falling apart. However, something within him tells him that this what he deserves from Jonghyun after all the horrible things he had done to him, so Minhyun just bitterly smiles at Jonghyun, trying to be understanding of the other's choice.

Not so long after that, Jonghyun excuses himself from Minhyun and told him that he actually has an appointment with his boyfriend. Minhyun wanted to sarcastically reply with 'just tell me it's a date', but no, he wouldn't want to make his relations with Jonghyun becomes even much worse, so Minhyun just smiles and nods. As he sees how Jonghyun's figure slowly leaves him, Minhyun finally realises one thing for sure;

 

He can never stop loving Jonghyun, even though he knows that there is no way he deserves another chance.

 

_"I love you, Jjun-ah, and I'd like it to stay that way."_

 

Loving Jonghyun will always be a habit that Minhyun can never get rid of for as long as he breathes. 


End file.
